Wanted: Spam writer

Have you received spam from your congressman lately?

I guess when you’re always lying around pork barrels, you’re bound think of spam. Which is sort of a good thing — I mean, that lawmakers should think that good things are as good when they come in small packages.

They’re usually about some burning national issue, or a raging controversy, the perfect pr vehicle for a congressman or senator who needs to get his name out: the economy, a botched government deal, a suspicious government transaction.

But on slow news days, these congressmen and senators are not exactly averse to scraping the bottom of another kind of barrel. So on your email inbox are served such choice cuts as:

“Solon pushes planting of okra as key to moral regeneration”

Or:

“Wowowee controversy highlights need for constitutional change”

And on slow news days, newspapers aren’t exactly above using this kind of spam as extenders.

So I’ve been feeling quite left behind. I’m helplessly envious of colleagues who know how to cut it (the spam, I mean), and dish them off to newsrooms and to everyone else who owns an email address.

Consider this, then, an employment ad. Send your resume, and a sample spam on the following subject:

“Solon sees need for law to regulate spam coming from solons”